Six resources for talking about race with kids
A tiny nest of baby hummingbirds is perched just outside my window. Umpteen times a day, the mama bird zooms in and out of the giant old rhododendron, with a flurry of tweets & calls, listening for her babies to signal their exact location, tucked behind a screen of leaves. It's a joy to watch them reconnect over and over! Their protected nest and daily reunions feel especially encouraging right now.
It's a parental instinct to protect our children.
As recent news has spot-lighted a rise in hate crimes and racially-charged violence, it's important to acknowledge how we're talking about these events with one another and our kids.
We must keep talking about it.
Taking in the news is not an endpoint; nor is this painful surge a new thread of violence in the U.S. The media are only covering the most egregious of these events. Certainly, BIPOC parents have been equipping children with survival skills for detection and protection in racist systems for generations.
Racism is a toxic tangle that shapes and harms us all.
It's neither just nor functional for only some families in our community to have conversations with children about this reality. In the current civil rights era, White community and family leaders are being called into the arena with more visibility and being asked to bring more humility.
I acknowledge with gratitude the Black, Latinx, and AAPI parents and colleagues I've learned from and alongside about the implicit biases of many of our systems of care. I value the feedback about what needs updating and re-wording in my own parent education and therapy toolbox. If you're a White parent and not sure how or where to start talking with kids about race--this is a clear invitation to join the conversations already in action. If you're raising or teaching young people of color, they are finding themselves in the eye of these dynamics already.
Here are some community leaders guiding parents to dig in, actively reflect, and encourage one another--bravely engaging in social repair, positive racial identity development, and raising conscious kids:
1) My friends & colleagues at Adoption Mosaic host a 6-week Transracial Parenting workshop and an AAPI adoptee specific resource page
2) Mercedes Samudio of Shame-Proof Parenting shared an excellent panel on Having uncomfortable conversations with your kids: Talking about race and racism
3) The Conscious Kid lists beautiful picture books featuring diverse protagonists and empowering narratives
4) Motherhood So White, by Nefirtiti Austin, is the memoir of a Black adoptive mother that I just started reading; she paints a picture of how race, class, and child welfare get tangled in White-normative expectations, and how she's teaching her Black children to thrive
5) Hand in Hand Parenting supports parents all over the world in building Listening Partnerships to unpack our assumptions and repair disconnection; Chantal Harrison is a South African-Australian mama declaring Parents need to talk about race early and often
6) Alexandra Loves is a Portland-local anti-racist educator teaching wholehearted skills for combatting oppression from a shame-free, culturally-aware, spiritual empowerment perspective. I participated in her Moms & Race course and am incorporating the tools she's sharing as regular self check-ins and mindfulness practices to fuel sustained activism
Maybe you have plenty of books on your to-read list.
Maybe you need more practical tools to guide challenging conversations.
And maybe you're so awakened or battered by these dynamics that you have to pace yourself, taking breaks to seek joy and rest, so you can "keep on keepin' on"--my Nana's phrase for remembering what matters.
I just want you to know: You don't have to figure it out on your own. You don't have to stand up and speak out and protect your & our children alone.
We are building a community that supports these conversations and conscious parenting choices.
I'm incorporating them into my Raising Family Resilience series. The intention has been there all along. And one of my big lessons from concentrated anti-racist work and unlearning has been: Good intention is not enough.
I'm continuing to expand the tools I teach and amplifying diverse voices to help build our collective parenting toolboxes. We've got to get and stay curious about how power-over, win-lose, reward & punishment dynamics in raising children contributes to the harm we're seeing unfold.
We must be explicit in our critical consciousness and values of anti-oppression.
We must speak directly about inequity, privilege, and social justice. We must have these conversations with all of our kids, so they can continue them with one another.
In another week or so, the hummingbird babies will start to fly. Watch for them out your window; the next generation is taking off right before our eyes!