We're Raising Resilience Right Now
We're managing a lot right now.
The charged energy of this season has brought a high level of tension--big worries for many of us, along with wishes for things to be different.
Naming it can help us take stock: There is uncertainty all around us. We are sensing the combined influence of the pandemic, racial tensions and social justice efforts, a contentious election season, the incongruence of online school, and wildfires across the West. With uncertainty comes a sense of threat, unpredictability, and fogginess about what's on the other side of all this upheaval.
It makes sense to feel worried. We've never been here before. There is no road map for 2020. And yet...
Our kids count on us to help anchor them.
There are some things you can do…
Breathe through it…Truly. Take a long, slow inhale through your nose. Hold it for a count of 3. And firmly exhale. Again: Breath in...1,2,3...Hold...1,2,3...Let it out...1,2,3. Do this 3 times. More oxygen means better thinking. Better thinking means a chance to choose your response. Each breath brings an opportunity to choose your response.
Push! Pull! Press! Pound! Move your hands. Make a mess. Mix it up. Create something that wasn't there when you started. You have the power to make things happen. You have everything you need in This.One.Moment. You're not in charge of everything else.
Let your body talk to you…10 minutes of stretching can reset your brain. Tip your head side to side. Reach overhead. Round your back like a Halloween cat. Wake up the connection from your mind to your muscles. Welcome back to yourself!
Self-Snuggle: Cross your arms over your chest like a genie-in-a-bottle; take turns firmly squeezing each bicep. Back and forth, left side, right side. You're telling your body: "I'm here, I'm alive, I feel myself." Tuning in takes effort sometimes, especially when energy is low and slow. When we're numb, we don't know how we feel. And it's even harder for our kids to feel us. Pausing long enough to listen is key.
When we slow down, we can be present for them.
And that's when they can show us how much they're struggling.
Kids are smart. They'll figure out how to show us they need something, one way or another. But it takes us slowing down to be able to really get it. Otherwise, we’re likely to blow right past “bad behavior” without noticing the need that’s fueling it…so tangles keep popping up again and again!
Off-track behavior shows you when they feel stressed, disconnected, and don't know what to do. Expect it.
Kids who are regulated, feel connected (and know what to do) behave well.
~ Robyn Gobbel, trauma therapist
We can't take the hard moments away. But we can balance them out with deep breaths, daily movement, tangible tasks--making food, walking the dog, building LEGOs--and taking time for rest. This is how we teach them regulation and coping skills.
Do one thing today that feels good to you. One small thing.
This helps build a daily rhythm including moments of connection with yourself. Kids learn from seeing how we handle hard things. We are their barometers for stress. Even when the world outside our windows is on fire, we are a powerful point of reference; we inform how they respond. We’re not in charge of their reactions. But we are in charge of our own.
Our own response to stress matters, because our kids will struggle mightily to feel safe, if we’re not available to anchor them.
How can you anchor yourself right now?
Sending you deep breaths, encouragement to rest, and permission to eat popcorn for dinner! You know, if that feels good. Thank you for taking a moment to be here with yourself.
Got time for three deep breaths before you get back to your kids? They need it as much as you do.